Our culture is deeply focused on self-love and self-acceptance—something we all wrestle with to some degree. These concepts are essential for our emotional well-being and sense of security. But what do they really mean? As followers of Christ, here are some questions we can reflect on:
1. Do I truly know who I am?
The idea of "accepting who I am" is often based on the assumption that I fully know myself. But is that really true? While I know a lot about myself, no one has perfect self-awareness. The Bible reminds us that our hearts are deceitful above all else (Jeremiah 17:9), and only God has the complete picture of who we are and who He created us to be (Psalm 139). It’s possible I might know myself better than others, yet others may still see things about me that I miss. So, what exactly am I "accepting"? If my understanding of myself is incomplete, then the idea of fully "accepting who I am" may not be particularly helpful. The first step is to seek to know myself more deeply.
2. Who I am is constantly changing.
Accepting "who I am" is really about accepting who I think I am at this moment. But self-discovery is a lifelong journey, essential for emotional and spiritual growth. Who I am today may look completely different a year from now because I am always learning and changing. Each day, I learn from my experiences and the people around me—about my strengths, weaknesses, and areas for growth. This process of learning and self-discovery should be celebrated. We see this in the lives of Abraham, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, and countless others in the Bible. Declaring "I accept who I am" might even limit growth, as it risks becoming self-restrictive or self-deceiving.
3. It oversimplifies deeper struggles.
Let’s be honest: people talk about "accepting who I am" when they’re wrestling with something they don’t like about themselves. This could be a flaw, a bad habit, a weakness, or even an issue with body image. Those who are content with themselves rarely feel the need to emphasize self-acceptance. The truth is, we all struggle. There are always parts of ourselves we don’t like. But accepting the fact that I struggle is very different from accepting those struggles as an unchangeable part of who I am.
Often, these struggles are just symptoms of deeper, hidden issues. When we accept the surface struggles as "who we are," we risk neglecting the root problems. For example, if I’m easily offended or irritated, should I accept that as part of my personality? Or should I explore the emotions behind it—perhaps unresolved trauma or hidden sinful desires? My shyness might stem from a fear of losing control, or my struggle with self-acceptance might reflect a misplaced desire to find ultimate security in myself. These underlying issues need to be examined. So, how do we decide what to accept and what to confront?
4. I could miss out on God’s transforming work.
God is constantly working to transform our hearts through the Holy Spirit and often through the people around us. Saying "I accept who I am" can sometimes mean, "I’m fine the way I am; I don’t need to change." But God's thoughts and plans are always higher than ours (Isaiah 55:9). He desires to shape us into the people He created us to be.
Think about Joseph: what if he had accepted himself as the boastful teenager living with his brothers or as the helpless slave sold into Egypt? Or Moses: what if he had accepted himself as the hesitant, self-doubting shepherd at the burning bush? What a loss it would have been! Instead, they allowed God to transform them through each stage of life. In the same way, we can joyfully embrace God’s ongoing work, even when it’s painful. His plans for us are always greater and more exciting than who we are today.
5. The key is that God accepts me (but He also wants to change me).
The focus should not be on self-acceptance. In fact, the more we focus on ourselves, the more we lose sight of who we really are. The statement "I accept who I am" can be misleading because it misses the bigger picture. The Bible emphasizes that God accepts us, but not necessarily all our behaviors, thoughts, habits, or desires.
Think of Zacchaeus: Jesus accepted him, but Zacchaeus was transformed as a result (Luke 19). This is the essence of the Gospel. Jesus shared the Last Supper with His disciples, even knowing one of them would betray Him. This is grace. If we focus too much on "I accept who I am," we risk losing sight of the One whose acceptance truly matters. It may even reflect a subtle form of pride.
Finding True Acceptance
The cultural cry for self-acceptance is, at its core, a cry for identity, significance, and security. Who am I? I am clay in the hands of the Potter (Jeremiah 18:6). The key is to continually allow God to search our hearts and reveal His truth to us. Let the Holy Spirit guide us, especially in the areas where we struggle to accept ourselves.
Through our struggles, God is speaking to us. What is He trying to teach us? What is He shaping us into? True transformation begins when we shift our focus from ourselves to God and allow Him to mold us into His image.
